Advertising: The Good, The Bad and The Pointless

of people claim advertising has no affect on them. Actually I made that up because I couldn’t find a relevant stat. Anyway, today I saw an example of something of that disproves my own fabricated claims. Today I saw advertising perform at its most level.

Projecting from the endless sea of citizens suffering in silence was a sign. Wooden, it stood tall like a ships mast. It hung in the air. . . Offering a glimmer of saturated colour in a desolate wasteland of grey, corporate lunchtimes. Orange erupted above the conflux, exhibiting a clear message.

“”

I watched as a man approached. He was of relatively small demeanour. Worn, dishevelled, he looked as if he was in need of a sandwich but it was clear that the idea of investing in one hadn’t even entered his mind. Until that is, he saw the board.

He stopped. I watched his eyes narrow and his pupils flicker from

left                                       to                                         right

as he carefully absorbed this erudition. Upon consummation of this propaganda, I saw his eyebrows flutter toward the sky and his lips arch upward as he nodded, in both acknowledgement and agreement. Conveyed through a myriad of facial contortion, I witnessed that instantaneous moment of decisiveness.

Then I watched as he entered the shop, and bought the sandwich he never knew he needed. Advertising in its form.

This is nothing new. I’ve seen queues out the door of this shop, it’s clearly very popular. But this is the very first time I’ve witnessed the simple process of street advertising work with immediate effectiveness. The simple mechanics of persuasion. The visual equivalent of:

“Hey mate, wanna buy a sandwich? They’re cheap.”

A clear piece of advertising, concise and efficient. Incidentally, this advertising once lured me into its lair, where it devoured the contents of my pocket. Hunger, coupled with a friend’s advice and large sheet of card directed me into the shop. Where I purchased my third choice sandwich, as my preferred fillings were unfortunately out of stock. As a result, I ordered honey mustard chicken… I will not visit this shop again. It resulted in an bathroom experience I cannot bear to articulate in my usual linguistic flamboyance, so I will attempt to paint an accurate picture of exactly what happened using but a single word:

If only television advertising was this good. Hard to get right, easy to ridicule by pricks like me. It’s a tightrope. But sometimes an advert appears that sits somewhere in the middle, pointlessly. It’s so damn pointless, you don’t quite know what to say. There’s one current piece of advertising that distorts the far reaches of my mind. These are the Exxonmobilads. You may have seen them, and they may have washed over your comatose cognizance. As well they might. With their perfect, bleached whitewashed walls and production, their myriad of accents and their sweeping locational shots of nothingness. But if you pay attention, even slightly, you’ll surely be overcome with confusion.

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Commercials feature a conglomerate of corporates and scientists detailing and . Outlining aspects of energy, fuel, and boasting about how they’re ‘Taking on the world’s toughest energy challenges’. Yeah, well I’ve wired a few plugs, you don’t hear me bragging about it.

Now, an ignorant simpleton such as myself will wonder; what exactly is this? I can’t buy it. I can’t enlist its services. What exactly are you advertising? This is essentially an information broadcast.

Hey. Hey you. Citizen. Viewer. Look at us. Look what we’re doing.

It’s the equivalent of me appearing on your screens and reciting a brief but eloquently revised soliloquy.

“Alright. I’m Sean Mac. I like to play games, masturbate and write articles. Sometimes I brush my teeth twice a day. Sometimes I don’t. I’m unemployed and I quite like tuna, but there’s no correlation between the two. I’m not overly keen on tuna but I do like it. Come to think of it, I can’t remember the last time I ate tuna. I used to eat it regularly, back when I was at school and I had sandwiches for lunch. Tuna, chives and sweetcorn it was. You could get it from Tesco. I remember there was this one time…”

Anyway, it turns out that Exxonmobilis an American multinational oil and gas corporation. Specialising in public trading and swish, but advertising. Advertising that’s not only swish, but as of September 2008, . The ASA [that's Advertising Standards Authority to anyone without an A-level in Media Studies] banned an ad from broadcast stating that its claim that liquefied natural gas is one of the cleanest energy sources in the world was misleading. It certainly misled me. Who am I to argue with Claudia the engineer, or Alan the President of Global Lubricants. That’s right. . I’d daren’t make eye contact with the man, let alone question his authority as a bona fide aficionado of oil and gas. And Emma, I mean she’s a Natural Gas Specialist. If anyone knows what they’re talking about, it’s her.

But as it turns out, some reckon LNG is not one of the world’s cleanest fuels. Some say it causes significant carbon emissions. But Exxonmobil contested the ad ban, standing by what was said. Leaving me more confused than when I started. Who do I believe? Well it doesn’t really matter. Because as I’ve mentioned, the adverts are pointless to me. I will never, never, ever, never have any interaction with this company. I can’t buy it. I can’t enlist its services. What the hell is it advertising?

Still, perhaps the ASA should have banned the advert on the grounds that it’s useless. Unless you’re Investy McBankerman of course. In which case it probably serves some propriety monetary purpose. Maybe bankers should have their own channel, with carefully selected relevant advertising. And a 24 hour live stream of people at them for plummeting everyone into ”. A phrase I’m so tired of hearing I couldd happily meltdown my own ears and sell them for scrap. £81bn in cuts. Nice one guys.

The current Go Compare advertising campaign has frequently appeared atop polls for worst, most annoying and downright bad ads on TV. But it’s exactly this reason which makes it a great ad. Our ungodly hatred for this operatic, Mr. Creosote tribute act [if a little less explosive] is precisely what makes him a great figurehead for a campaign. He ensures everyone knows the company and knows the product.

I hope, I really do hope that the marketing team behind this campaign created this character in the knowledge he was not funny, and very annoying. If they didn’t know that, well they should probably go compare the myriad of modern ways to end one’s life. I hear copious amounts of morphine is very popular.

And you know what, I’m just gonna throw this out there. I genuinely thought the tenor joke was pretty good.

But I don’t accept all annoying adverts as a good piece of advertising.

I actually didn’t mind Howard, but Halifax – what were you thinking?!? You wouldn’t get this shit with Don Draper in charge.

So what was the point of this article? Well I’m not too sure. You read it though didn’t you? Why? Because I told you to. See advertising works.

Article first published as Exxonmobil Exxtremely Unnecessary on Technorati.

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